16 down! Only 1 to go!!

My chemo buddies today were: My dad, my Mom's parents and my good friend.
No visit with the doctor today, just went straight to the chemo room.
On our way back into the chemo room my Grandpa ran into one of his favorite nurses, she just so happens to work at my cancer center now. She was excited to see them and they were excited to see her. My Grandpa told me I needed to be sure to be her friend as she is someone good to have in your corner.
Today's port access was the most painful one I can remember. My nurse didn't follow the same process to 'plug me in' as they usually do. I could feel my port, or the needle moving inside of me when I'd move my right arm or flex the muscles on my right side. Not very cool, but I didn't want to complain because then I'd have to get poked again.
I forgot to take a game to play but I didn't forget my yummy homemade chex mix and chocolate covered cinnamon bears.

Next week my husband and I have an appointment with another plastic surgeon. This one specializes in reconstruction after breast cancer and does micro surgery. I've heard nothing but good about her and hope to gain insight and conformation that my current surgery path is the right one. If this doctor presents a better surgery option than my plastic surgeon it will mean the next surgery will be at St.Marks with a whole new set of doctors. One of my greatest concerns is being sick after surgery from the anesthesia, but that is a HUGE worry regardless of who or where my surgery is. Picking the right doctor means choosing the one that can fix my body right the 1st time and hopefully with as few problems as possible. I know women in my support group who have had to go through surgeries multiple time because they didn't have a good surgery plan or it wasn't done very well. I am going to be optimistic that I can get it right the first time.

March 18th my son gets his boot off! He's super excited to finish with that before I finish chemo! He's already told us the first thing he's going to do when the boot is off- He's going to ride his skooter. Go figure! Nothing slows this kid down!

March 20th I have my last Herceptin treatment! My appointment is at 9:20am, so if there are any of you who would like to come to the see me ring the bell let me know! I don't have an exact time to be there, but it will be around 10:30-11am. Not everyone can come back into the chemo room during chemo, so you'll have to wait in the front reception waiting area and we'll come get you when it's time. I had to get approval to invite people to be there and they said as long as there isn't 100 people it'll be fine. So, if you want to be there to watch me ring that bell let me know. Later that night we'll be having a Chemo party to celebrate the end of chemo! More info will be coming as to what we'll be doing exactly, so stay tuned.

Have I mentioned my chemo brain before? It is probably the thing that frustrates me the most! Physically I feel pretty good, but mentally I feel compromised and not very competent. Yesterday I went to the grocery store for a few things and checked myself out at the self checkout. I got cash back on my transaction, but was distracted by another customer and ended up leaving my cash. I realized after getting in my car that I had forgotten it, but by the time I got back inside to see if it was there or had been turned in it had already been taken. The day only went down hill from there. I went to Costco for THREE things, things I knew I needed and didn't need to write down because I KNEW what they were. I walked to the back of the store, in the direction of the toilet paper and before I got to the toilet paper I forgot what I was getting. Not just the one item, but all 3 things I was supposed to be getting. I grumbled in my head about how dumb I was to forget 3 easy things and had to move over in the isle and check my list on my phone to remind myself what I was buying. Upon coming home from Costco I needed to work on a newsletter and calendar for my son's 5th grade class, but could not for the life of me concentrate enough to do it. I spent the rest of my day doing simpler things that I knew I could do with my lack of brain power. I have days that are better than others, and when I have hard days I'm quick to get discouraged and beat myself up. I have no control over my chemo brain and look forward to the day when things that used to be easier for me become easier. Adjusting to change is hard. What I'm coming to realize is I need to be more patient with myself. Knowing this doesn't mean it's easy to do. I want to be doing things that I used to be doing, like working in my kids classrooms, and hopefully by next fall I can! I loved being involved with things and now I find that those things just overwhelm me. Just because I'm ending chemo doesn't mean my brain will return to normal, that will take time. So, please be patient with me.

This cancer journey has taken me way outside my comfort zone, and by doing so has introduced me to people I would never have met, and strengthened relationships I already had! I have found courage and comfort through the prayers of so many of you! I could not have asked for a better support system to get me through this life changing experience. I hope that my journey will help me to find ways to help others!

Thank you for loving our family!

Reconstruction meeting with the plastic surgeon

I'm pretty sure I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder! The anxiety I felt leading up to this appointment was crazy! Yesterday as I drove to pickup my husband and to my appointment I was feeling physically sick because I was so nervous. Thinking about this next surgery all I can think about is how I handled my last surgery. If you'll remember I spent THREE days in the hospital instead of ONE and was throwing up for THREE days! I have little memory of who came to visit me or what was going on, but I vividly remember being VERY sick and in a lot of pain. I don't want to experience that again. Can you blame me?

I haven't seen the plastic surgeon since my last expansion, which was the beginning of November. It was fun to see his nurse again, she's always very fun to chat with and is good at being friendly and personable. The last time I was there I have peach fuzz hair, so she thought it was fun to see me with more hair. She loves my punk rocker hair, as she called it! The P.A. came in and saw me before the doc. She basically did the same exam and questioning that the doctor would do when he saw me. The joys of going to a 'teaching' hospital. While I have a lot of confidence and trust in Dr., it is the P.A. that I love! She has a fantastic bed side manner, she's great at explaining things in simple terms and she had me feeling completely calm and comfortable. She was pleased with how well me radiated skin is looking and how well my expanders have held up. We addressed the cosmetic issues that needed to be re-visited. She explained the process of reconstruction for both breasts. The reconstruction of the non-cancer side will be pretty straight forward, expander out, implant in. NO JP DRAIN on the right side! Happy! Happy! Happy! The cancer/radiated side will need a little more help as the skin and tissue have been damaged from radiation. The skin is more brittle and doesn't have as good of a blood flow. This side will have an extra procedure done called a lattissima flap surgery. After the expander is removed and the implant is inserted an incision will be made on my back, under my shoulder blade, and the lattissima muscle will be carefully cut away and then channeled under my armpit to my front side and feathered out over my entire breast. This will give my unhealthy skin and muscles something healthy to help with healing and a better outcome. This side will have 3 JP drains, 1 in front for the breast and 2 on my back. Boo! (JP drains are the worst!!)
At this point the doctor came in and we discussed that same cosmetic concerns. The concerns were documented so we can make corrections in final surgery and then we discussed again the surgery process. My biggest concern going in to this meeting was that the doctor would choose my surgery plan without listening to my input. I wanted to know HOW he came up with the surgery plan he had, and he was great at explaining why this surgery was the best for ME! I mentioned that I had researched a couple different options and asked if they were options we could consider, he patiently listened to me and then explained those surgeries and why they were not good options for me. I was so pleased with the time he spent with me and the

confidence he had in my procedure. He made sure I was happy with everything and that all my questions and concerns were addressed.
At this point we decided to find the first available surgery date after March 31st. His first opening was April 8th, but we have a wedding on the 11th so we asked for the next open surgery date. Turns out he didn't have any openings until JUNE! But because June is pretty far out the scheduler asked the doctor if he had any other times he would make available for me. He had a surgery date of April 29th, which is a surgery date reserved for simpler surgeries, but for me he made an exception. Surgery was scheduled for April 29th. I will stop taking tomoxifen 3 weeks before surgery and will not take it for 1 week following surgery. I go in for my surgery consolation on April 17th.
In the meantime, I need to keep moisturizing with coconut oil and melaleuca oil, need to keep massaging the pectoral muscle and surrounding area to keep things softened. I need to keep up on my physical therapy stretches to keep things loose. For 3 weeks post surgery I am not to use my arms or lift anything so they want my muscles in the best possible shape before then.
I was given a picture book that goes through the breast reconstruction process. It was nice to go through last night with my husband. Hopefully having a better understanding of the process will help me be less nervous. I can hope.
Following surgery I will have a similar recovery as I did the first time around, no driving, no lifting the milk out of the fridge, lifting nothing heavier than 5lbs. I'm sure I'll need help showering and taking care of my JP drains. When the time comes I'll make sure I ask for help, cause I'm gonna need it!
This year we have new insurance which allows us more options for plastic surgeons, so I’m going to get a 2nd opinion just to be on the safe side. And then I'll never have to wondered if I should have later.

If you made it to the end of this very long update pat yourself on the back. You'll never get those 5 minutes back that it took you to read this, sorry! haha!

Thank you for your continued love and prayers!