16 down! Only 1 to go!!

My chemo buddies today were: My dad, my Mom's parents and my good friend.
No visit with the doctor today, just went straight to the chemo room.
On our way back into the chemo room my Grandpa ran into one of his favorite nurses, she just so happens to work at my cancer center now. She was excited to see them and they were excited to see her. My Grandpa told me I needed to be sure to be her friend as she is someone good to have in your corner.
Today's port access was the most painful one I can remember. My nurse didn't follow the same process to 'plug me in' as they usually do. I could feel my port, or the needle moving inside of me when I'd move my right arm or flex the muscles on my right side. Not very cool, but I didn't want to complain because then I'd have to get poked again.
I forgot to take a game to play but I didn't forget my yummy homemade chex mix and chocolate covered cinnamon bears.

Next week my husband and I have an appointment with another plastic surgeon. This one specializes in reconstruction after breast cancer and does micro surgery. I've heard nothing but good about her and hope to gain insight and conformation that my current surgery path is the right one. If this doctor presents a better surgery option than my plastic surgeon it will mean the next surgery will be at St.Marks with a whole new set of doctors. One of my greatest concerns is being sick after surgery from the anesthesia, but that is a HUGE worry regardless of who or where my surgery is. Picking the right doctor means choosing the one that can fix my body right the 1st time and hopefully with as few problems as possible. I know women in my support group who have had to go through surgeries multiple time because they didn't have a good surgery plan or it wasn't done very well. I am going to be optimistic that I can get it right the first time.

March 18th my son gets his boot off! He's super excited to finish with that before I finish chemo! He's already told us the first thing he's going to do when the boot is off- He's going to ride his skooter. Go figure! Nothing slows this kid down!

March 20th I have my last Herceptin treatment! My appointment is at 9:20am, so if there are any of you who would like to come to the see me ring the bell let me know! I don't have an exact time to be there, but it will be around 10:30-11am. Not everyone can come back into the chemo room during chemo, so you'll have to wait in the front reception waiting area and we'll come get you when it's time. I had to get approval to invite people to be there and they said as long as there isn't 100 people it'll be fine. So, if you want to be there to watch me ring that bell let me know. Later that night we'll be having a Chemo party to celebrate the end of chemo! More info will be coming as to what we'll be doing exactly, so stay tuned.

Have I mentioned my chemo brain before? It is probably the thing that frustrates me the most! Physically I feel pretty good, but mentally I feel compromised and not very competent. Yesterday I went to the grocery store for a few things and checked myself out at the self checkout. I got cash back on my transaction, but was distracted by another customer and ended up leaving my cash. I realized after getting in my car that I had forgotten it, but by the time I got back inside to see if it was there or had been turned in it had already been taken. The day only went down hill from there. I went to Costco for THREE things, things I knew I needed and didn't need to write down because I KNEW what they were. I walked to the back of the store, in the direction of the toilet paper and before I got to the toilet paper I forgot what I was getting. Not just the one item, but all 3 things I was supposed to be getting. I grumbled in my head about how dumb I was to forget 3 easy things and had to move over in the isle and check my list on my phone to remind myself what I was buying. Upon coming home from Costco I needed to work on a newsletter and calendar for my son's 5th grade class, but could not for the life of me concentrate enough to do it. I spent the rest of my day doing simpler things that I knew I could do with my lack of brain power. I have days that are better than others, and when I have hard days I'm quick to get discouraged and beat myself up. I have no control over my chemo brain and look forward to the day when things that used to be easier for me become easier. Adjusting to change is hard. What I'm coming to realize is I need to be more patient with myself. Knowing this doesn't mean it's easy to do. I want to be doing things that I used to be doing, like working in my kids classrooms, and hopefully by next fall I can! I loved being involved with things and now I find that those things just overwhelm me. Just because I'm ending chemo doesn't mean my brain will return to normal, that will take time. So, please be patient with me.

This cancer journey has taken me way outside my comfort zone, and by doing so has introduced me to people I would never have met, and strengthened relationships I already had! I have found courage and comfort through the prayers of so many of you! I could not have asked for a better support system to get me through this life changing experience. I hope that my journey will help me to find ways to help others!

Thank you for loving our family!

Reconstruction meeting with the plastic surgeon

I'm pretty sure I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder! The anxiety I felt leading up to this appointment was crazy! Yesterday as I drove to pickup my husband and to my appointment I was feeling physically sick because I was so nervous. Thinking about this next surgery all I can think about is how I handled my last surgery. If you'll remember I spent THREE days in the hospital instead of ONE and was throwing up for THREE days! I have little memory of who came to visit me or what was going on, but I vividly remember being VERY sick and in a lot of pain. I don't want to experience that again. Can you blame me?

I haven't seen the plastic surgeon since my last expansion, which was the beginning of November. It was fun to see his nurse again, she's always very fun to chat with and is good at being friendly and personable. The last time I was there I have peach fuzz hair, so she thought it was fun to see me with more hair. She loves my punk rocker hair, as she called it! The P.A. came in and saw me before the doc. She basically did the same exam and questioning that the doctor would do when he saw me. The joys of going to a 'teaching' hospital. While I have a lot of confidence and trust in Dr., it is the P.A. that I love! She has a fantastic bed side manner, she's great at explaining things in simple terms and she had me feeling completely calm and comfortable. She was pleased with how well me radiated skin is looking and how well my expanders have held up. We addressed the cosmetic issues that needed to be re-visited. She explained the process of reconstruction for both breasts. The reconstruction of the non-cancer side will be pretty straight forward, expander out, implant in. NO JP DRAIN on the right side! Happy! Happy! Happy! The cancer/radiated side will need a little more help as the skin and tissue have been damaged from radiation. The skin is more brittle and doesn't have as good of a blood flow. This side will have an extra procedure done called a lattissima flap surgery. After the expander is removed and the implant is inserted an incision will be made on my back, under my shoulder blade, and the lattissima muscle will be carefully cut away and then channeled under my armpit to my front side and feathered out over my entire breast. This will give my unhealthy skin and muscles something healthy to help with healing and a better outcome. This side will have 3 JP drains, 1 in front for the breast and 2 on my back. Boo! (JP drains are the worst!!)
At this point the doctor came in and we discussed that same cosmetic concerns. The concerns were documented so we can make corrections in final surgery and then we discussed again the surgery process. My biggest concern going in to this meeting was that the doctor would choose my surgery plan without listening to my input. I wanted to know HOW he came up with the surgery plan he had, and he was great at explaining why this surgery was the best for ME! I mentioned that I had researched a couple different options and asked if they were options we could consider, he patiently listened to me and then explained those surgeries and why they were not good options for me. I was so pleased with the time he spent with me and the

confidence he had in my procedure. He made sure I was happy with everything and that all my questions and concerns were addressed.
At this point we decided to find the first available surgery date after March 31st. His first opening was April 8th, but we have a wedding on the 11th so we asked for the next open surgery date. Turns out he didn't have any openings until JUNE! But because June is pretty far out the scheduler asked the doctor if he had any other times he would make available for me. He had a surgery date of April 29th, which is a surgery date reserved for simpler surgeries, but for me he made an exception. Surgery was scheduled for April 29th. I will stop taking tomoxifen 3 weeks before surgery and will not take it for 1 week following surgery. I go in for my surgery consolation on April 17th.
In the meantime, I need to keep moisturizing with coconut oil and melaleuca oil, need to keep massaging the pectoral muscle and surrounding area to keep things softened. I need to keep up on my physical therapy stretches to keep things loose. For 3 weeks post surgery I am not to use my arms or lift anything so they want my muscles in the best possible shape before then.
I was given a picture book that goes through the breast reconstruction process. It was nice to go through last night with my husband. Hopefully having a better understanding of the process will help me be less nervous. I can hope.
Following surgery I will have a similar recovery as I did the first time around, no driving, no lifting the milk out of the fridge, lifting nothing heavier than 5lbs. I'm sure I'll need help showering and taking care of my JP drains. When the time comes I'll make sure I ask for help, cause I'm gonna need it!
This year we have new insurance which allows us more options for plastic surgeons, so I’m going to get a 2nd opinion just to be on the safe side. And then I'll never have to wondered if I should have later.

If you made it to the end of this very long update pat yourself on the back. You'll never get those 5 minutes back that it took you to read this, sorry! haha!

Thank you for your continued love and prayers!

It's time to Pay it Forward

At the ending of my hard chemo's I decided that I wanted to make and take a chemo scarf to each of my remaining 11 herceptin chemo's. So far I've been able to do that. This last chemo I took 7 scarves. With only 3 chemo appointments left I have changed my plan. I would now like to take with me to my last appointment on March 20th one scarf for each chemo treatment I received over the past year. That would be 17 scarves, so here's where you come in! I'm looking to see if anyone want to donate fabric to me, I need about 30 inches by 30 inches, and that'll make 2 scarves. I am planning to buy some of this fabric myself so I can find some cute fabric I think women would like. Do any of you sewing friends have fabric laying around that would make a cute scarf for a chemo patient? Let me know if you do and I'll come pick it up, unless your one of my friends who lives out of state. :)
This project is going to be so much fun and I look forward to working on it over the next 8 weeks!

Fast forward to now...

In the beginning of all my treatments I was told that I would have 17 chemo treatments; 6 of them would be the hard chemo with herceptin and the remaining 11 would be herceptin only treatments. Last Friday, January 16th I had my 7th chemo that was herceptin only. My original appointment was on January 12th, but because we started a new health insurance program and didn't have our ID cards yet (or a member ID #), I needed to cancel my chemo. Utah Cancer Specialist were excellent to work with, once I had a member ID # they quickly got me preauthrized and my chemo treatment re-scheduled.

My Dad was my chemo buddy and was allowed to come back with me for my port access. He had brought along his go-pro and camera and was able to video the port access. Up until this point I wasn't able to have someone with me for the port access (well, except for one other time!). I'm really glad to have a video of this to remind me of what I had to go through on treatment days. This may seem silly, but this whole cancer killing/fighting process fascinates me, and it'll be nice to have these pictures and videos (of the whole process, not just the port access). You know, just in case I forget what it was like.

Today we discussed my achy joints. He said that this is most likely caused from going through this whole treatment process. My body has been through a lot, from chemo's, surgery and radiation. We aren't going to do anything to treat my symptoms, other than exercise (which in my book means, stay active and don't sit around).
We talked about my foggy chemo brain and he said that it usually takes about a year after treatments end to be back at 80% of where I used to be. This wasn't what I wanted to hear, I get really frusterated and discouraged because I don't feel normal. He also said I may never be completely back to the way I was before. Double bummer, lets hope that's not the case for me! Before chemo I loved being involved with my kids schools and loved a good brain stimulating challenge, but now I feel overwhelmed so easily.
With radiation complete now is the time I begin taking tomoxifen. We discussed possible side effects, which would be hot flashes, leg cramps, and uterine cancer. I will need to make sure I have my yearly girl visit to check for any abnormalities, and for hot flashes I can take vitamin E pills. Tomoxifen is a once a day pill and I will take it for 10 years. It used to be something done only for 5 years, but they are seeing even better results by extending it to 10 years. If I'm going to have side effects he said I would notice them right away, and today I took my 5th pill and so far no side effects.

With only 3 more treatments I scheduled out my remaining appointments. Did you hear me?! I only have THREE more treatments!! In about 9 weeks I'll be DONE with chemo treatments!! A couple of nights before this last treatment I looking at my calendar with Dave to see what the dates for the next 3 appointments would be, and when I discovered the date of the final appointment I got emotional! My final chemo date is March 20th, that is the day I was diagnosed last year. How appropriate to be finishing on the exact same day! Typing this in my journal makes me emotional still. The feeling I feel is one of complete happiness; that I have been able to survive this whole ordeal! To say I have been supported by all you wonderful friends and family is an understatement, I feel like you have carried me more than supported me through this. The greatest blessing that may come out of this, besides my life, is the love and friendship that has been strengthened with each one of you. Thank YOU!!
So, with chemo coming to an end I think a party is in order!! Here are my thoughts, I would love for any of you that would like to be at the chemo center  when I ring the bell to be there! You wouldn't all be able to sit with my during treatment, but you could be out in the waiting area and we'll come get you to watch me ring the bell. Before I can do this I need to check with the cancer center to see how big of a 'party group' they'll let me have. :)
I'm thinking of reserving my church later that day to have a party! Do something pot luck style so you can come and enjoy some goodies and stay and visit. My daughter said if we do this she will have her friends help her decorate the gym. I'd love your suggestions and ideas too! So start sending them to me!

Christmas chocolates and a trip to the ER

Being diagnosed with cancer just before Easter meant that I didn't get to do my usual chocolate dipped eggs. For those of you who know me, you know that I LOVE dipping chocolates and especially Easter eggs! For Christmas I dip chocolates for my family, it's a tradition that my Grandma started way back! Now that she is older and not doing any candy making or chocolate dipping I have taken on the job of doing this for all my siblings, their kids, my mom's parents and a few of my Dads neighbors. This project is something that takes about 3 weeks. I got started with the process on December 3rd following one of my radiation appointments. It felt great standing over a hot stove taking in the yummy smells of candy cooking on the stove. The first day I was able to make all the caramel needed for turtles and homemade twix bites. The following day I made a large batch of caramel. The plan was to spend the following Saturday dipping with the help of my girls and husband. Saturday rolled around and after getting my oldest son off to a cub scout activity we began the long process of dipping. By the time my oldest son was back from his scout activity we were still up to our elbows in chocolate. My husband decided to take the boys for a bike ride to keep them entertained (and out of my hair) while the girls and I continued to dip. Following their bike ride they returned home to get gear for the skate park. About an hour after they had left to the skate park I reached a point in my dipping where I needed to take a break to get the next batch of candies ready for dipping. It was during this short break that I got a phone call from my husband asking what hospital emergency room he could go to with Bradley, whom he was sure had a broken leg. Being a Saturday our insurance was closed so I did a quick search on the internet and told him he could go to St. Marks. At this point I stopped getting ready for the next batch of dipping and left in my own car to meet them at the hospital. My oldest daughter came with me so she could bring my other son home in my vehicle. My son had an X-ray that confirmed he had a broken bone, actually 2 broken bones. He broke both the Tibia and Fibula, and because of the nature of the break the tendon at the top of foot stretched and broke the bone on the top of his foot. With a break like this they consulted with an orthopedic surgeon at Primary Childrens, and then decided it was best that he be transported by ambulance to Primary Childrens to be seen. The surgeon there wanted to be see him himself to decide if my son would need surgery. My husband drove our car and rode with Bradley in the ambulance.The ambulance ride was VERY bumpy, and after almost being t-boned by another car we finally made it to Primary's. They were quick to get us in a room, but the Dr. was slow to see us. Turns out that because the weather had been so nice that day there were a lot of broken bones and the only on-call orthopedic surgeon was busy taking care of other ER patients. The nurses were good to take care of our son while we waited. Sometime around 10-11pm the surgeon came in to take care of our son. It was decided to do conscious sedation, set the bones and put on a cast; no surgery. But because they were doing the cast so soon after the injury and with his leg swollen he would need to stay in the hospital to make sure he didn't get 'compartment syndrome', which is the leg swelling inside the cast and causing too much pressure resulting in insufficient blood supply to

muscles and nerves. This would require immediate surgery. By 2am he was taken to a hospital room and at about that time I drove home to get some sleep. The following morning I was awoken by a phone from my husband saying they were discharging our son and to come and get them. My son came home with crutches and some really good pain pills. He was pretty out of it for a couple days and didn't move a whole lot. I was able to go pick up his wheelchair as this was how he would be getting around for a while. 3 days after coming home from the hospital we went back for a follow up visit and everything looked good so they said he could go back to school. Our elementary school was great about getting everything ready for him to come to school in his wheelchair! My son was excited to go back, and truthfully I think he was mostly excited to show off his new wheels.  My son during all of this was a really good sport! My husband and I took turns in the morning getting him to school. After school I picked him up; the novelty of this was short lived for me as the school parking lot at the end of the day being a nightmare! My son has since learned to get around by scooting on around on his bum in the house. He hates using his crutches and the wheelchair in our house doesn't work very well. 10 days after breaking his leg we took him back in to get a new cast, the swelling had gone down so much he could wiggle his leg in his cast, which was very painful and not good. His new cast was tighter and went  higher up his thigh and was VERY PINK! He loved his pink cast! 5 weeks later (this past week) he was taken in for a shorter cast. His new cast stops just below his knee and is bright hunters ORANGE! :) He has a shoe he straps to his cast so he can walk on it. However he is very timid and doesn't want to walk on it yet. He's afraid it's going to hurt and his muscles are pretty weak. My husband and I keep encouraging him to try walking oh his leg, hopefully he'll get the hang of it soon! Tomorrow I'm sending him to school with only his crutches. Thank goodness for NO snow, right?!

Many of you were so kind to our son and our family during this whole nightmare! We are so grateful for the kindness shown to us! We loved all the visitors, love notes and goodies! Thank you for your love and prayers! My son still has a long road ahead of him but he is expected to return to his normal self! Next month we go back to get this cast off and then he'll wear a walking boot for about another month. If all goes well it looks like he'll be cast and boot free by the time I have my final chemo! Another reason to celebrate!!

Radiation Visit

Yesterday I met with the Radiation oncologist to get my mapping and tattoos done. I first met with the doctor to go over what to expect and side effects of radiation. My radiation appointments will be every week day at the same time. I will see the doctor only once a week to go over how I'm feeling and to see if we need to make adjustments in my treatment. Each radiation appointment will last about 20 minutes. Getting radiation is only about 7-8 minutes, and the rest of the time is spent getting lined up on the table and having several people (dr. and nurses) make sure I'm lined up correctly before they begin radiation. For the first 3 weeks I may not feel much different, but by the end of the 3rd week I may start feeling sunburned and tired. Once the redness begins it will only increase and get worse. I can use aloe vera gel, burts bees aloe after sun cream or a special radiation lotion. These lotions will only help relieve the burning feeling. I need to drink LOTS of water while going through radiation, as that will help with the burning and redness too.
I will have 25 radiation appointments, which is better than the original 30 that they had planned. That was good news!
Yesterday I had my mapping done so that the computer knows my body contours. I also received my tattoos, there are 4 in all, one under each arm pit by my side and two down the middle of my chest. The tattoos are little black dots and they're not very noticeable.


Side effects of radiation:
*Scarring of the muscles in the radiated area. For the rest of my life I'll have to do stretches to keep my muscles limber in that area.
*Lymphedema is increase by 1-2% (with surgery alone I have a 25% chance)
*I need to use hot pads when taking food out of the oven so I don't get a burn. Healing is harder on the radiated side after radiation.
*Carry less weight on the cancer/radiated side. Example- don't carry all my grocery bags in all at once in my arms, take multiple trips in instead.
*Wear gloves when gardening or working in the dirt so as to avoid a cut and infection on the cancer/radiated side.
*Treats cuts more seriously as healing will be harder.
There is a small chance of heart disease because of radiation. To try and prevent this they will have me take a deep breath during radiation and hold it for 20 seconds so that the distance between my chest tissue and heart are farther apart. While holding my breath they'll do the radiation.
*Radiation will make my skin very tight and brittle. Because of that there is a 25% chance that my reconstruction surgery may fail on the radiated side. There are some procedures that can be done to minimize this, but there's always a chance that my next surgery may not be a success.

My first radiation appointment is this coming Monday, November 24th. The plan is to do a dry run before they do the real radiation, so next weeks appointment will be both a dry run and a real radiation appointment. Next week I'll have radiation on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. They are closed on Thursday and Friday so I won't have another radiation until the following Monday, December 1st, which is also a herceptin chemo. If all goes as it should I'll get my final radiation on December 31st.

With each change in my treatment plan I get nervous. I've been told that radiation is easier than chemo, but I'm nervous none-the-less. Please keep praying for me! Pray that I can have the strength I need and that I will stay healthy! Thanks!

Herceptin chemo and a visit to the plastic surgeon

Last Friday I had my 5th Herceptin chemo. Only 6 more to go! I'm so happy that this chemo treatment is so easy!
My chemo buddies today were, my Dad, my brother and my oldest son. Three very special people in my life!

The wait wasn't too long to get back into the chemo room. Once we were settled into our comfy seats the chemo went pretty quick. My son was very attentive to our food and beverage needs. He loves the kitchen nook in the chemo room and was great at keeping up set up with snacks and drinks. We played Uno to pass the time. This appointment was the fastest one yet! My next 2 chemo appointments I will NOT see a doctor! I'll have my port accessed and then start the chemo right away. Sounds wonderful to me! By my next chemo on Dec 1st I should have started radiation, so I'll have a chemo and radiation back to back. I have my appointment scheduled in the morning so that I can have radiation immediately following the chemo. I'll know more about radiation this coming week...which leads me to my visit with the Plastic Surgeon.
I met with Dr. yesterday. He is happy with the way things looked, but wanted to do one more fill to make sure the skin was stretched enough. The fill was double what they have normally done. (The pressure is great and today I am sore!) He gave me the green light to get in for mapping for Radiation. Final surgery to remove the tissue expanders is usually 3 months after radiation ends, so we're looking at final surgery in March/ April. I asked if he would remove my port during the final surgery to save me from being under anesthesia two separate times, he said as long as I'm done with my port he can remove it. Today I was also given the go ahead to start driving again. 8 weeks of not driving was pretty hard! But those 8 weeks meant my daughter got to drive herself to and from school, which I know she has loved! Looks like it's back to riding the bus for her :(
I have no follow-up visits with Dr. I will see him again once radiation is complete.

I called to schedule my appointment for radiation mapping (getting my radiation tattoo's). I have an appointment for this coming Tuesday. Mapping takes a couple of hours. I'll know more about radiation and when my 1st appointment will be after this coming Tuesday.

I am currently going through physical therapy. I found a place close enough to home that I can walk to and from my appointments. I love the exercises they have me doing and my range of motion is improving a lot! I will continue having physical therapy until my range of motion is back to where it needs to be. They have me doing exercises at home and those exercises will continue during radiation to keep my muscles stretched and limber.

I am enjoying the tea's I received last week! And I'm loving the love notes I get in the mail! Thank you!