Flash back to the past…
Sometime around Halloween of 2013 I felt a small lump, but thought nothing of it. I had had a lump before and it ended up being a fibroid, so I figured that this new lump was probably the same thing. It didn’t hurt or bother me, so I did nothing. I didn’t even tell my husband I’d found it. I didn’t forget about it though, I felt it often and noticed that it wasn’t really changing. Around February 2014 the lump was getting bigger. It had been the size of a pea and was now about the size of a walnut. About this time I mentioned it to my husband and had him feel it. He lovingly, but boldly asked me why I hadn’t done anything about it yet. Our insurance had made some changes and who we could see had changed. I told my husband the reason was that I would have to pick a new doctor, and that was an inconvenience and stressful. I asked around for suggestions from friends to find a doctor. I still thought this lump was nothing. Of all the names suggested to me by friends only ONE of them was on my insurance plan. I called and made an appointment, they could get me in the following week on Friday, March 14th. Talking to my one of my friends during the week over the phone I mentioned to her that I had this appointment and what it was for, she said that she'd like to come with me, just in case it was more than 'nothing'. I didn't want to waste her time and told her it was ok and that I would go alone. She was persistent and I eventually agreed to have her come with me. A few days before the appointment I started to feel uneasy about this appointment so I called my Aunt to tell her of my appointment and asked her to keep me in her thoughts and prayers. I told her I thought it was just a clogged milk duct and most likely nothing to be worried about. She was a great listener and even sent me an email later with a poem of encouragement.
Friday, March 14th...
I don't remember if my friend and I drove together to my appointment or met there, that part of the story is a blur. But I do remember sitting in the exam room waiting to see the doctor. I was nervous. I was sweating. The doctor was a super nice guy. He did his exam by feeling the lump and measuring it. The lump had grown, it was no longer the size of a walnut. It was now about 3 inches long and 2 inches across. He suggested I go get a mammogram to determine what this lump was. I remember him telling me that he wasn't going to lose sleep over me, but thought I shouldn't be able to sleep. He gave me some great advice that day, advice that may have saved my life! His advice was to fight for my care, to insist that I be seen that day for a mammogram. He said, 'don't let them make you wait weeks for an appointment'. As I left his office I sat in my car with my friend and began making phone calls to find a center that could get me in for a mammogram. My insurance wasn't very helpful in locating a place that I could go, but after much time we found a place. However, they could see me for almost 3 WEEKS! I told them I couldn't wait, they told me sorry, but they just couldn't see me until the end of March. I made an appointment but then called St. Marks to see if they took my insurance, they said they did. I asked if they had any openings, they didn't. I explained my situation and was told that they would talk to the radiologist as soon as they came out of a meeting and see what could be done for me. I waited, it felt like forever! While I waited I picked up my little boys from school and delivered them to my in-laws to be watched while I figured out where I was going to be seen. My friend had gone home to Lehi to take care of her kids, but said she'd come right back to Salt Lake if I wanted her to come with me to my mammogram. Right around lunch time I got a call back from St. Marks, they said they had an opening and could I be there in 30 minutes!! I called my friend and headed straight for St. Marks. My husband called me when he went on his lunch break and I updated him on what was happening. He said he'd meet me at St. Marks. The mammogram was a breeze! The imaging wasn't very clear though so they needed to have an ultra-sound. I sat in a waiting room for a million years, or so it felt. My husbnad sat and waited in a different waiting room, probably wondering what was going on. While I waited in this waiting room I was all alone, there were no other patients or people around. It was very quiet, and as I sat in this quiet I had a strong impression that my Mom was sitting next to me. This was the first time I had felt her presence since she had died. In this moment I felt calm and peaceful. I was taken to a room for my ultra-sound and the technician kept making sounds like she didn't like what she was seeing. She finished her job and said that the radiologist needed to review the images, and that the radiologist would most likely be coming in to do an ultra-sound of her own. At this point I asked if they could go get my husband so he could be with me to see and hear what the radiologist would do. Through this ultra-sound it was determined that the lump was not liquid filled but was a solid mass. It could be one mass, or it could be two that are bridged together, they were a little unclear about that. The mass does not have a smooth outer edge, it was jagged. This was concerning to the radiologist. I also have a couple lymph nodes in my armpit that are enlarged and darkened. This could be because of the irritation from the lump or it could be that whatever is going on in my breast is also happening in my lymph node. Again, they weren't sure. They scheduled an appointment for me to come back the following Tuesday for a biopsy. They would do 3 small incisions to take a sample of tissue to determine what was inside me.
Tuesday, March 18th...
I returned to St. Marks for my biopsy. I don't have a lot of memory of what happened during the biopsy. I do remember how long the needle was with the grabber though! I was numb and didn't feel much except for pressure when they'd grab a tissue sample. I remember being STARVED when my procedure was over and I was craving McDonald's chicken nuggets. Random, and gross, I know! My friend was with me during my appointment and was my driver home. She stopped at Mickey D's and got me some chicken nuggets on our way home. Those chicken nuggets were the BEST chicken nuggets I have ever eaten in my life! Coming home I was groggy and tired. I remember resting and icing the biopsy area for the next 48 hours.
Wednesday, March 19th...
My neighbor came over with her cute little newborn and spent part of the day keeping me company and helping to take care of me. We watched a movie and had lunch together. I was pretty sore today and continued to ice my biopsy site.
My oldest daughter was being inducted into the National Honors Society in the evening of this day. I was pretty miserable and sore but I went. And I took with me a small bag of frozen peas :) Frozen peas make the best ice packs. :)
Thursday, March 20th...
My husband met me on his lunch break at St. Marks. We met with the radiologist and a nurse navigator. It was confirmed that in all 3 area’s from my biopsy I had cancer. I was diagnosed what’s called invasive ductal carcinoma. This is the most common type of breast cancer. The cancer was classified as grade 3, which means its fast growing. This type of cancer reacts well to chemotherapy. I was scheduled to go have an MRI to make sure the cancer had not spread beyond my lymph nodes the following day.
Friday, March 21st...
Show up at St. Marks with my husband and my little boys to have my MRI and they have no record of me having an appointment. My appointment was later in the evening so they couldn't get a hold of the doctor to get approval. The MRI tech eventually came out and got me and said he'd do my test and figure out tomorrow who to send it to. The MRI was traumatic, it brought back many memories of having them as a child for my brain tumor. Somehow I survived. I was hoping I wouldn't have to have another one for a LONG time.
From this point on until chemo treatment began my mind is pretty blank. I know lots of things happened and wish I had kept better notes.
My Dad was great at getting me to all my appointments with doctors, getting my port placed and taking care of me after. During this time as we prepared for chemo we were also getting our oldest daughter ready to head out to New York with her AP class from school. Life was crazy busy, and maybe it's good I don't remember the details. One thing that resonates in my mind of what I do remember during that time is how much LOVE I felt. The outpouring of love and support from all parts of my life was HUGE! Looking back I can see that it was because of the prayers, the love, the service and by many small acts that my family was carried through the most challenging thing imaginable! Thankfully I can recall the beautiful things that happened better than the pain and suffering I went through. I am grateful for the relationships that were built and strengthened with many of you! I am grateful to have a husband who loves me and is my rock! This journey has strengthened my friendship with him and love for him! My kids- what troopers they are! This was so hard and scary for them. I enjoyed explaining to them what was going on and helping them see my faith that everything would be OK. My kids amaze me, and my love for them grew so much!
In 6 days I'll have my final chemo and
get to close a chapter in this cancer story!
I am so excited to celebrate!
I am so excited to celebrate!
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